Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize