i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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