If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
