I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
