Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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