K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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