I need help removing her.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
