Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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