I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i will never coherently bang her
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
