I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The air taste purple.
Randomize
