yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
