Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
