3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
