My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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