Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
