So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
