I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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