I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
