Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Randomize
