The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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