Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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