i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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