So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
