i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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