I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
