i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
