Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
