I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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