I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
