Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
