Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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