you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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