I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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