My room smells like vodka and shame
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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