youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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