I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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