My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
