...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
