Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
