When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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