So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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