Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Randomize
