I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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