I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
