My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
