Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
