I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Boobs speak an international language.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
