if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
