My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
