So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Randomize
