I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Randomize
