She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I need moral support for this bender
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
