her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
