those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
