you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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