i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
