Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
