I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
