I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
The best revenge is premature balding
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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