dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Success! We fucked roommates!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
