All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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