the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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