drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
