on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
